Tag Archives: grace

The Simple Great Love

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Today morning, I woke up early and stumbled upon the name, Judah Smith.

Recently, I’ve decided to seek God again. To let Him be a part of my life. The truth is, Jesus has always been a part of my life but sometimes, I push him away because of my own humanity. Because I was ashamed and condemned of my own wrongdoings and sin. I felt that I am unworthy. I am unworthy of his love. Unworthy to be called a Christian. I keep walking away. Further and further I go. Maybe, I was lazy as well. My heart didn’t felt like going to Him. Maybe it was because of trust issues. I thought, God wouldn’t help me anymore because I didn’t obey Him. God doesn’t love me anymore because I sinned.

I was drowning. Drowning in my own insecurities and insufficiency. Drowning in all of my humanity and all my self righteousness. Drowning in my own judgement of myself. You see, I am a person who likes to beat myself up emotionally. I constantly blame myself for everything. I tell myself I am not good enough. That I am a horrible person. That I am wrong. That I wasn’t kind. That I hurt people and so I am  no longer loved. Each and every single day, I lived my life in constant fear. I fear that when people get too close to me, they would see my darkness and weakness and all my flaws. I fear that when they see me crumbling down, they would condemn me. They would say that I am not Christian enough. I keep living relying on myself. Relying on my own strength and ignoring God despite Him who was always walking by my side.

But do you know what ? As I was rejecting Him. As I was walking on my own path. Suffering and hurting because of my own pride and so called ‘wisdom and law’. HE WAS WITH ME. HE WAS WITH ME IN ALL MY DARKEST MOMENTS. He hears me screaming and crying all alone at night. He saw my struggles and hurt. He sat through me as I condemned myself. And He reached out to me when I was breaking and falling apart.

He keeps on telling me that I am loved. That I am not alone. That He is for me and not against me.

The truth is, God doesn’t NEED us but rather, He WANTS us because he LOVE us. It is because of His great love, mercy and grace that we live. It is not by my actions that people would come to know Him but by His name. It is not because of my insufficiency that makes me unworthy of Him because we are NOT MEASURED BY WORTH but we are all worthy because of His LOVE.

I’ve enough of sitting in the dark and being scared of myself. I want to hold the hand that He has reached out to me. Because he Loved Me First. I want to learn to seek Him in all of my weakness and flaws. I want to learn to worship Him even when I am sinful and wrong. I want to live in His love and grace with a simple heart.

The Pursuit of Happiness_Day 1

Strong World ( Part 2 )

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When everything seems too good to be true, the next thing she knew was that it’s all over. Time truly waits for no man. You never know when you’ll have everything you want or lose everything in a single blinking moment. She has everything she needs because of her Provider but there are many things that she longed for as a human. All humans feel the hurt of lost whether it is to a person or a valued thing. What more, a sensitive and emotional girl like her.

a

Everything that was familiar to her suddenly became foreign. Like she was all alone again. Her friend won’t talk to her. Her room mate despise her and accused her. Her relatives were all looking at her with those eyes that makes you feel like you’re condemned. There was also work and school to be stressed about. Financial issues that had to be solved. Family matters to tend to. Her father and sister had fallen into depression and here she was desperately trying to hold on to dear life and reaching out to them at the same time. Why wasn’t there someone who reached out at this very moment of her desperation. There wasn’t even time to cry or drown in sadness and solitude for awhile till she could hear herself again. Instead, she just laughed it all away. It was going to be okay. Right?

b

The constant need to be okay slowly wore her out. She’s tired. She’s exhausted. She’s empty and broken.

Why am I smiling ? Why am I crying ? Why am I sad ? Why am I just staring blankly ? What am I doing ? Who am I exactly ? were the questions she constantly asked herself. Over and over again. ‘Stop thinking too much! I am sure you’re just being emotional today!’ she laughs.

make-out

But not today. It’s over now. She’s picking herself up again because she’s a warrior. She’s standing up again because she’s a strong woman. She’ll fight again. She’ll be strong again. Over and over again.

She knows its okay to be broken. It’s okay to be depressed. It’s okay to be sensitive and emotional. It’s okay to be herself even though she is unsure of who she is.

A fragile heart in a cruel world.

When is it, will the world be much kinder to me- I wonder.

-Strong World – Seul

 

Rain and Fragility

It’s raining again. How is she supposed to go home? The rain just keeps pouring and all she could think of was being in bed sipping hot chocolate. Nice and snug. But No! She was just done with grocery shopping and the storm was simply too much to brave through.

*Sigh* Lord, please just stop the rain for awhile and let me go home okay ? I don’t want to bathe again. I just want to stay in bed so please just stop the rain so I’ll be able to get home dry and clean.

Well, that didn’t really happen but the rain did slow down and since she didn’t have any patience to wait anymore she just went along anyway.

It was the best feeling ever. She just couldn’t explain it but she was smiling and laughing just as if it was natural to do so. The smile just curved her lips and her eyes were laughing as her soul felt a breath of freshness. Somehow, it turned out way better than being nice and snug in bed.

And with the lightness in her heart, she smiled home.

Humans are so fragile aren’t they ? They can be simply broken or strengthen by such simple and small things.


me

S M I L E. Instagram : @11.98__

A smile today won’t hurt . . . 😬✌🏻️

Haha xD OKAY!

As usual Blur Me signed in today! I left my keys by the door and left for school only to realised it was missing after class ended and we were all just chilling around. Luckily I lived really nearby so I went back to find if it was where I thought it was. I prayed so hard and I was anxious and all but I still remain calm and YAY!!! When I came back home, the keys are by the doors on the shoe rack greeting me. Thank you for sparing me for today Lord. THANK YOUUUUU