When everything seems too good to be true, the next thing she knew was that it’s all over. Time truly waits for no man. You never know when you’ll have everything you want or lose everything in a single blinking moment. She has everything she needs because of her Provider but there are many things that she longed for as a human. All humans feel the hurt of lost whether it is to a person or a valued thing. What more, a sensitive and emotional girl like her.
Everything that was familiar to her suddenly became foreign. Like she was all alone again. Her friend won’t talk to her. Her room mate despise her and accused her. Her relatives were all looking at her with those eyes that makes you feel like you’re condemned. There was also work and school to be stressed about. Financial issues that had to be solved. Family matters to tend to. Her father and sister had fallen into depression and here she was desperately trying to hold on to dear life and reaching out to them at the same time. Why wasn’t there someone who reached out at this very moment of her desperation. There wasn’t even time to cry or drown in sadness and solitude for awhile till she could hear herself again. Instead, she just laughed it all away. It was going to be okay. Right?
The constant need to be okay slowly wore her out. She’s tired. She’s exhausted. She’s empty and broken.
Why am I smiling ? Why am I crying ? Why am I sad ? Why am I just staring blankly ? What am I doing ? Who am I exactly ? were the questions she constantly asked herself. Over and over again. ‘Stop thinking too much! I am sure you’re just being emotional today!’ she laughs.
But not today. It’s over now. She’s picking herself up again because she’s a warrior. She’s standing up again because she’s a strong woman. She’ll fight again. She’ll be strong again. Over and over again.
She knows its okay to be broken. It’s okay to be depressed. It’s okay to be sensitive and emotional. It’s okay to be herself even though she is unsure of who she is.
A fragile heart in a cruel world.
When is it, will the world be much kinder to me- I wonder.
-Strong World – Seul