And everything around her came falling apart. She reached out to touch the broken pieces only to see herself shattering apart. Just like everything around her.
The tears won’t come. Rather, she went around comforting people around her and telling them that everything was okay. It didn’t even feel real. It all happened too fast. Why isn’t it like the movies ? Why didn’t she wake up when she hold her hands and tears came rolling down ? Why is she still asleep ? Why is she not breathing ? Did the sadness in my heart not reach out to God ? Why didn’t He send her back to earth after visiting heaven ? Why didn’t a miracle happened ?
There was so many questions unanswered and so many things unsaid and all she could think of was more questions.
Even when the cloth came up, she still hoped that her mother would just wake up and smile and everything will be alright again. Instead, she was greeted by the grieving audience beside her. Everyone came telling her she had to take care of her dad and her sister. All the responsibilities that came along with loss. She just smiled assuringly and nodded back. How can they be like that? Of course, that’s probably the only thing they could say at such a time. But still, there was probably something else to say wasn’t there ? All she wanted right now was to run away. Run far far away and just hide there for awhile. Why must she of all people bear the burden of responsibilities when she herself was at loss as well?
Everything soon came to past and she found herself hustling about again. There wasn’t a time for rest or grieve. Time just rushed her by and somewhere along the way, she just learn to smile as her heart bleed.
The funeral went by smoothly. She was laughing and joking around with her friends and family. Throughout the entire journey, she never shed a tear. ‘What a monster!’was probably what everyone else thought. When everything cleared up, she couldn’t hold it back in anymore and broke down. People just told her that it was useless to cry when everything is gone. They didn’t need to tell her that. She knows. She just wanted to break down and clear her mind. Was that wrong? Yes it was. She was too old to cry. She needed to grow up and be strong. She can’t be such a whiny child. TSK! SUCH A HORRIBLY INSENSIBLE CHILD!
Despite that, she had many people around her who were there for her. They reached out to her and comforted her in her deepest moments of grieve. Somehow, the one gone was the one who could give her the comfort that would satisfy her. She remembered that overtime she broke down and cried, the one who wasn’t here was the one who stood by her all the time before. Now everything is empty. Her world is falling apart despite everything. No matter how far you reach, somehow, her heart was too far away.
No time was wasted for grieve. Everything moved along just too fast. School applications, withdrawal forms and so many other procedures and things were waiting for her. And before she knew it, she was in another country, in another school and in another home. It was all a new beginning for her but it was something good and refreshing. It was a warm home and school was something to look forward to. At least, something to keep her mind away from all the negativity and darkness.
It was exhausting to be moving along at such a fast pace but it was the only thing that comforted her.
A fragile heart in a strong world begins her journey here. – Welcome to Singapore, Seul.