Monthly Archives: October 2016

Rain and Fragility

It’s raining again. How is she supposed to go home? The rain just keeps pouring and all she could think of was being in bed sipping hot chocolate. Nice and snug. But No! She was just done with grocery shopping and the storm was simply too much to brave through.

*Sigh* Lord, please just stop the rain for awhile and let me go home okay ? I don’t want to bathe again. I just want to stay in bed so please just stop the rain so I’ll be able to get home dry and clean.

Well, that didn’t really happen but the rain did slow down and since she didn’t have any patience to wait anymore she just went along anyway.

It was the best feeling ever. She just couldn’t explain it but she was smiling and laughing just as if it was natural to do so. The smile just curved her lips and her eyes were laughing as her soul felt a breath of freshness. Somehow, it turned out way better than being nice and snug in bed.

And with the lightness in her heart, she smiled home.

Humans are so fragile aren’t they ? They can be simply broken or strengthen by such simple and small things.


me

S M I L E. Instagram : @11.98__

A smile today won’t hurt . . . 馃槵鉁岎煆伙笍

Haha xD OKAY!

As usual Blur Me signed in today! I left my keys by the door and left for school only to realised it was missing after class ended and we were all just chilling around. Luckily I lived really nearby so I went back to find if it was where I thought it was. I prayed so hard and I was anxious and all but I still remain calm and YAY!!! When I came back home, the keys are by the doors on the shoe rack greeting me. Thank you for sparing me for today Lord. THANK YOUUUUU

02. Strong World ( Part 1 )

And everything around her came falling apart. She reached out to touch the broken pieces only to see herself shattering apart. Just like everything around her.聽

The tears won’t come. Rather, she went around comforting people around her and telling them that everything was okay. It didn’t even feel real. It all happened too fast. Why isn’t it like the movies ? Why didn’t she wake up when she hold her hands and tears came rolling down ? Why is she still asleep ? Why is she not breathing ? Did the sadness in my heart not reach out to God ? Why didn’t He send her back to earth after visiting heaven ? Why didn’t a miracle happened ?

There was so many questions unanswered and so many things unsaid and all she could think of was more questions.

Even when the cloth came up, she still hoped that her mother would just wake up and smile and everything will be alright again. Instead, she was greeted by the grieving audience beside her. Everyone came telling her she had to take care of her dad and her sister. All the responsibilities that came along with loss. She just smiled assuringly and nodded back. How can they be like that? Of course, that’s probably the only thing they could say at such a time. But still, there was probably something else to say wasn’t there ? All she wanted right now was to run away. Run far far away and just hide there for awhile. Why must she of all people bear the burden of responsibilities when she herself was at loss as well?

Everything soon came to past and she found herself hustling about again. There wasn’t a time for rest or grieve. Time just rushed her by and somewhere along the way, she just learn to smile as her heart bleed.

The funeral went by smoothly. She was laughing and joking around with her friends and family. Throughout the entire journey, she never shed a tear. ‘What a monster!’was probably what everyone else thought. When everything cleared up, she couldn’t hold it back in anymore and broke down. People just told her that it was useless to cry when everything is gone. They didn’t need to tell her that. She knows. She just wanted to break down and clear her mind. Was that wrong? Yes it was. She was too old to cry. She needed to grow up and be strong. She can’t be such a whiny child. TSK! SUCH A HORRIBLY INSENSIBLE CHILD!

Despite that, she had many people around her who were there for her. They reached out to her and comforted her in her deepest moments of grieve. Somehow, the one gone was the one who could give her the comfort that would satisfy her. She remembered that overtime she broke down and cried, the one who wasn’t here was the one who stood by her all the time before. Now everything is empty. Her world is falling apart despite everything. No matter how far you reach, somehow, her heart was too far away.

No time was wasted for grieve. Everything moved along just too fast. School applications, withdrawal forms and so many other procedures and things were waiting for her. And before she knew it, she was in another country, in another school and in another home. It was all a new beginning for her but it was something good and refreshing. It was a warm home and school was something to look forward to. At least, something to keep her mind away from all the negativity and darkness.

It was exhausting to be moving along at such a fast pace but it was the only thing that comforted her.

A fragile heart in a strong world begins her journey here. – Welcome to Singapore, Seul.

01. A New Beginning

All the bags are packed and she’s ready to go. Or so she thought. Somehow her heart was heavy and she didn’t want to leave. At least, not yet. But the decision was made and absolute. She said her thanks, apologies and goodbyes. With a heart filled with both heaviness and excitement, she gave her aunt one last hug and bid her goodbye.

Carrying all her heavy baggages and boxes down the apartment, her uncle was waiting for her by the car. He helped her with her stuff and when they were both ready, he start the car and drove her off to her new home. It wasn’t a silent trip like how she imagined it would be. There were lots of questions that needed answers. Some were rather easy while some she didn’t know how to answer with words and just made a laugh instead. A smile always makes everything better.

Why did she wanted to move anyways? Wasn’t everything alright? Surely there were horrible times but didn’t the good times made up for it?

It was just a moment of hasty decision. A decision driven by bitterness.

However, despite a hasty decision, it taught her something valuable.

She left because of the bitterness but she didn’t leave with bitterness. As she left, she left all the bitterness behind and became a brighter soul. She learnt how to appreciate and love again. Sometimes, you leave not because of the unhappiness but you leave because you want to be happy again. Some things are just prettier from afar. Just like how diamonds are so much brighter and shinier before they’re on your fingers. From afar, she stood and look at the picture again. This time, she smiled. She loved them anyways. And she will continue to love them despite everything.

It’s a new beginning for her. A lost girl in a city full of hopes. May dreams come true if it’s in the will of the Lord.

Seul.